Monday, August 10, 2015

My Review of Vampires Suck


A lot of you have probably seen this movie, but it was new to me! Vampires Suck was a recent Dollar Tree purchase, and guess what? It was well worth a dollar! Dollar Tree has had some great DVD finds lately. Going into this movie, my expectations were low. I'd never heard of it, it cost $1.00, it's a Twilight spoof, and just look at that cover:
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/91cFj6P4wML._SL1500_.jpg

Going in with rock bottom expectations can make nearly anything into a fun surprise. Yeah, Vampires Suck is stupid and crass... but I did find myself laughing through the entire thing. If you watched any of the Twilight movies, you'll enjoy watching them get made fun of a bit. Even if you're a fan of Twilight, I think you'd enjoy parts of this. I've seen some of The Twilight Saga. I say "some" because while watching the ones I was coerced into watching, I did fall asleep off and on. But I guess I was awake enough and remembered enough to still get the jokes in this.

The actors chosen for the roles of Edward, Bella, and Jacob were actually pretty spot on! The girl who plays Bella (in this case, Becca) somehow managed to get all of Kristen Stewart's twitches and tics down perfectly.

http://i51.tinypic.com/bi8cy8.jpg
Only slightly exaggerated

Edward Cullen is this time named Edward Sullen, which seems fitting. I found this nifty little side by side to show how he and Jacob match up to the originals:

https://pmchollywoodlife.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/081710_vampiressuck_newmoon_xxxx_.jpg?w=544

https://pmchollywoodlife.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/081110_chrisriggi_taylorlautner_xxxx_.jpg?w=544

The writers behind Vampires Suck made fun of a lot of the parts of Twilight that had confused me. Such as... Why would one average girl in particular be the focus of so much male attention, and paranormal attention at that? Why on earth would she choose the sulking guy who gives a million mixed signals instead of the nice, supportive guy (who is a lot better looking in my opinion)? Why would her father be oblivious to pretty much everything? Seriously, that man was nice, but vacant.

Speaking of Bella's father in Twilight, I was so happy to see a familiar face playing him in the spoof:

http://i55.tinypic.com/10o05ci.jpg
Unfortunately, the only evidence I could find of him in the film is this gif of him being maced. You should see the rest of this scene!
Do you remember Diedrich Bader from his time on The Drew Carrey Show? How about his role as Rex in Napoleon Dynamite? He's so funny, especially in the Vampires Suck bloopers. And how about SeƱor Chang from Community here as some sort of head vampire?

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WuxZjblnvU8/UGXrHOy1t2I/AAAAAAAAAcA/4zVJiACXTrE/s400/ken-jeong-vampire-margaret-cho.jpg

I must have slept through the parts of the Twilight movies where whatever character he's spoofing appeared, because I didn't get it. But who cares? Ken Jeong is hilarious! I didn't need to be in on the joke to find him funny.


OK, it's a little weird to hear him talking about his role so seriously, but that explains that. It's possible that I just enjoy watching these two and it doesn't matter what they're doing. I could happily watch Diedrich Bader or Ken Jeong read a grocery list.

So this is probably one of those movies I should be embarrassed to find funny, and there were moments during it when I was half ashamed of myself for laughing, but sometimes it's fun to watch a movie that isn't trying to be anything remotely high brow. Pretty much any cheap laugh possible was used. I happen to be of the so-bad-it's-good school, so I say, if you've seen enough of Twilight to understand half these jokes, get over to Dollar Tree and see if there's a copy of this left! 

http://griffin.mixrmedia.com/wp-uploads/swandiary/blog/2010/08/untitled.jpg

P.S. I think this movie was written by some of the same people who wrote the Scary Movie franchise. I've never watched any of those, but now I'm thinking I should. Any thoughts?

14 comments:

  1. I also thought this movie was hilarious! I took my daughter to see each of the Twilight films when they came out in theaters, so I was entirely too familiar with the storyline. I really prefer this one - and the acting was better!!

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    1. Lisa ~ Haha, "entirely too familiar with the storyline" Gotcha. ;) I preferred this too! And yeah, there were some great impersonations here. A lot of the acting was weird for me in the Twilight films, although maybe I missed what they were going for? I just couldn't get into the romance between Bella and Edward. I thought Taylor Lautner did fine, though. :)

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  2. Wow you found this at the dollar tree! I would pick it up for a buck. Might have to check mine this week. Some spoof's are fun so just might take your word for it if I see this!

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    1. Bob ~ Yeah! Quite the find, hey? I've been to several different Dollar Tree stores recently, and all of them were stocked with Vampires Suck DVDs! So, I'd say it's worth a check. You're in relatively my same neck of the woods, so maybe there was some big shipment of Vampires Suck to Midwestern Dollar Trees? You never know... I've been doing well with the Dollar Tree DVDs lately. I picked up the entire first season of 3rd Rock from the Sun at Dollar Tree as well as the first (and only) season of The Ellen Show. Both were worth way more than $1.00!

      I haven't seen many movie spoofs. In fact, I can't think of any other movie spoofs I've seen. But as I said above, I'm really considering seeing all the Scary Movie films now!

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  3. I loathe how the vampire has been turned into romantic rubbish for teenagers, so I expect I would enjoy this! There is no Dollar Tree store here, but I bet I can find it for sale online somewhere.

    Ali

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    1. Ali ~ If that's how you feel, I know you'd get a kick out of this! Just don't expect anything classy whatsoever. ;) I'm not really big on romance in vampire movies. It's fine if the girl finds the vampire a little attractive in a dangerous sort of way, but when the story turns into something where she wants an actual relationship with the vampire, it's not for me. That was one of my issues with the Dracula starring Frank Langella. I could tell it was supposed to be really saucy and romantic, but that movie was so sappy for me!

      No Dollar Tree? I bet you could find it on ebay. Someone probably bought up a ton of these at their Dollar Tree and set about selling them online.

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  4. Hi Justine! Yeah, I've never watched a Twilight movie before, fearing it might not have castles, capes, and coffins - but this movie does look fun!

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    1. Matt ~ Hey there! Oh, there are no castles, capes, or coffins in Twilight. Heck, I don't even remember any blood! I don't remember seeing a whole lot of fangs, either. I think the Twilight movies are probably a bit of a let down for anyone who is into traditional vampire movies, but I thought they did alright with the werewolves. I wonder what you'd think of "Vampires Suck" having not seen the Twilight movies? You'd miss some of the Twilight connections, but you might still find this funny in general.

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    2. Justine - Yeah, I've been tempted to buy them, but figured it'd be more like a love story. No neon blood? Really makes you appreciate Hammer blood :) Sounds like a cool movie for a buck, glad you enjoyed it.

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    3. Matt ~

      Yeah, Twilight is pretty much a teenage love story. It felt a lot like a soap opera to me. Haha! Nope, no neon blood, realistic blood, or any kind of blood as far as I know. Unless the blood was spurting during those moments when I was asleep. :) I do actually appreciate Hammer blood, because it's so fake and just flying with abandon. No subtlety there! I actually read an article about fake movie blood and there's some Hammer blood trivia in it. Just skip down to the fifth paragraph to read it, although I think you'll be interested in the entire page.

      A Brief History of Fake Blood

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    4. Justine - That was a very interesting article! It reminds of that stuff I used to get around Halloween time called vampires blood, that came in a plastic tube - fake blood. Yeah, the fake blood and the strange technicolor gives those movies a kind of cartoonish feel that I don't mind. It makes me wonder if perfection is boring.

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    5. Matt ~ Yeah! Who would think that much thought went into fake blood? I think I may have seen that fake blood in a tube. Was it pretty convincing? Sure, I think perfection is boring sometimes. And yeah, that neon blood is pretty cartoony. I think that's part of why I like Hammer movies - because there's this balance of spookiness and exaggerated performance. It's like they're Pop art vampires. Andy Warhol should have done a series of Dracula/lady vampire prints from these movies. How great would that have been? Really colorful and dramatic with that little bit of shtick.

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  5. Re: Scary Movies....
    The first one was pretty good and they go downhill from there. I think I stopped watching after the 3rd one because they were just stupid. But, sometimes that's all you need :)

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    1. Dex ~ OK, Thanks for the tip! I wonder if the humor would still seem fresh in the Scary Movie series? Some of the jokes in Vampires Suck were pretty current with 2010, when it was made. I feel like the Scary Movies series has been around for some time. Yeah, sometimes a little stupidity is what you need. :) That's what I was thinking during Vampires Suck - about how much I was enjoying just laughing without thinking much!

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